MWR PROGRAM · NON-BINDING
Morale Is a Metric.
The Squared Away Morale Program™ converts your discretionary spending into quantified morale, denominated in Morale Points (MP). Points may be redeemed for tiered rewards of decreasing utility and increasing prestige.
Tiers of Morale
| Tier | Points | Reward |
|---|---|---|
| E-1 Private | 0 MP | A "Welcome to Morale" PDF. |
| E-5 Sergeant | 500 MP | 10% off your next brick. |
| E-9 Command Sergeant Major | 2,500 MP | One free PowerPoint template. |
| O-3 Captain | 5,000 MP | A laminated certificate of your own name. |
| O-6 Colonel | 15,000 MP | Complimentary golf course keychain. |
| O-10 General | 50,000 MP | The illusion of meaning (ships in 6–8 weeks). |
Initiate Morale
Program FAQ
How do I earn Morale Points?
By spending real money on products that produce no measurable morale.
Can I transfer points to my spouse?
No. Morale is non-transferable. Spouses generate their own morale through complaints.
Do points expire?
Yes. Points expire when you do.
Is this a real loyalty program?
Define 'real.'