Navy Section
Liberty Call Regret Planner™
7 days. 7 entries. All say Regret.
The Liberty Call Regret Planner™ is a 7-day leather-bound pocket planner in which every date field, time slot, and note section has been pre-filled with the single word REGRET in a clean, professional sans-serif font. There are no blank pages. There is no room for optimism. The planner has reviewed the port-call data from Olongapo, Pattaya, Rota, and comparable liberty venues and has pre-completed the planning process for you based on what the historical record suggests the week will contain.
The cover is tan faux leather with a brass snap closure. The spine is reinforced because the planner has been designed to survive the same conditions it documents. Each day is organized into morning, afternoon, and evening slots, all of which read REGRET. The back inside cover contains a notes page that reads, at the top, 'Things to Address Upon Return,' followed by eighteen blank lines and then, at the bottom, REGRET.
Marines get their regret with a tattoo. Navy gets theirs with a planner, because the Navy has always been more organized about its poor decisions.
“Marines come back from liberty with a tattoo that says what this planner implies — we respect the efficiency, but the planner is easier to explain to HR.”
— SQUARED AWAY EDITORIAL BOARD
| Pages | 64 (7-day format, full coverage) |
| Format | Daily time-blocked planning, morning/afternoon/evening |
| Entries Pre-Filled | All of them. Every one. REGRET. |
| Cover Material | Tan faux leather, brass snap closure |
| Binding | Reinforced sewn binding, liberty-condition rated |
| Certifications | MIL-STD-OOPS compliant. Port-call proven. |
- Not legally binding. The planner does not constitute a formal acknowledgment of wrongdoing and cannot be subpoenaed, although it may be cited informally.
- The planner may be called upon to testify. The planner will say REGRET. It always says REGRET.
After-Action Reports
I used this in Rota. I filled in nothing because nothing needed to be filled in — the planner had already handled it. When I got back to the ship I looked at it and it was correct on every count.
I bought this thinking it was a joke gift for my Chief. She opened it, read the first page, closed it, put it in her desk drawer, and said thank you. I don't know if that means she liked it.
Purchased a case of these for my wardroom before our last deployment. Distributed them at the first port call brief. Nobody laughed. Several officers nodded slowly. The planner is accurate.
