Army Section
Artisanal Field Mud™ (1 gal.)
Sourced from Fort Polk. Certified miserable.
Not all mud is created equal. The Artisanal Field Mud™ is harvested by hand from the training areas of Fort Polk, Louisiana — a landscape widely regarded by soldiers who have served there as 'the worst place I have ever been' and 'somehow worse in summer.' At 62% Louisiana red clay and 38% standing surface water, it achieves a consistency our terroir specialists describe as 'persistent' and 'load-bearing in the worst way.'
Each gallon is sealed in a food-grade container (not for food) with a single-origin certificate documenting the harvest grid coordinate, approximate rainfall during collection, and the name of the training rotation during which it was sourced. Aroma profile: pine sap, standing water, DEET, and the specific kind of quiet that precedes a safety brief.
Recommended for reenactors seeking authenticity, veterans pursuing sensory recall, and anyone who has tried to explain to a civilian what JRTC was like and found language insufficient. Not for Air Force personnel, who have never seen mud in a professional context.
“The Air Force has not encountered mud in a professional context. This product is not for them.”
— SQUARED AWAY EDITORIAL BOARD
| Origin | Fort Polk (JRTC), Louisiana — Training Area 17-Bravo |
| Volume | 1 gallon (3.78 L), sealed container |
| Moisture Content | 38% (seasonal variation applies) |
| Clay Ratio | 62% Louisiana red clay |
| Certifications | Single-origin certified. Misery-compliant. |
| Aroma Profile | Pine, standing water, DEET, late-rotation fatigue |
- Not edible, despite multiple Marine Corps field reports suggesting otherwise. Do not consume.
- May attract mosquitoes when opened indoors. The Fort Polk mosquito is not contained by walls. You have been advised.
After-Action Reports
Opened the container and my body immediately went back to 2011. I was on a patrol base. It was raining. I was 23. The mud is accurate.
Bought this for my veterans' group as a joke. Nobody laughed. Two guys got quiet for a while. The mud is very real.
I used this to explain JRTC to my wife. She looked at the jar for a long time and said 'Oh.' That is exactly what JRTC is. Five stars.
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