Marines Section
Regulation Crying Towel
For when you remember you're still in.
The Regulation Crying Towel is a full-sized, heavyweight sage-green cotton towel, neatly folded to inspection standard and sealed in a clear poly bag with a hang tag that reads: 'For when you remember you're still in.' The corner of the towel bears a stenciled inventory label in black — TOWEL, CRYING, REGULATION, 1 EA — because in the Marine Corps, even the emotional equipment gets an NSN and a tag.
The towel is 100% cotton terry, 600 GSM, measuring 27 × 52 inches — large enough to be useful, small enough to stow in a seabag or a wall locker without incident. It is not a cry for help. It is a practical item for a documented condition: the moment, usually occurring sometime between year two and year four of a first enlistment, when the full weight of the commitment becomes briefly and completely visible. The towel is there for that moment. It does not judge. It absorbs.
The Navy's showers are warm and their towels are issued by the galley steward. The Marine Corps showers are cold and the towel is yours to procure, maintain, and carry. The Regulation Crying Towel was developed for the latter context and is priced at $14.99 because some things should be affordable.
“The Navy's showers run hot and the towels are stacked by a steward — the crying is still the same, but the ambiance is very different.”
— SQUARED AWAY EDITORIAL BOARD
| Material | 100% cotton terry, 600 GSM |
| Dimensions | 27 × 52 in |
| Weight | 1.1 lbs (dry) |
| Color | Sage green — regulation, not decorative |
| Absorbency | High. Rated for field conditions and extended reflection. |
| Certifications | MIL-STD-DAMP compliant. NSN label stenciled at corner. |
- This towel does not void your enlistment. You are still in. The towel acknowledges this without legal consequence.
- The towel does not listen. It absorbs. These are different services and the towel only provides one of them.
After-Action Reports
I opened this on day 847 of my enlistment. The hang tag was accurate to the day. The towel is excellent. I have not re-folded it to inspection standard because that felt wrong. Five stars.
Bought this as a joke for a buddy who was on his third extension. He opened it, read the tag, and went quiet for about thirty seconds. Then he folded it and put it in his wall locker. He uses it.
I gave one to every Marine in my battalion at the end of a particularly long deployment. Not a single one laughed. Every single one kept it. I consider that the correct outcome.
